Lies We Tell Ourselves

Truth be told, we lie to ourselves more often than we realize.  We rationalize, justify, and defend what we believe, think, and do, so that we can make our life ok when it isn’t , to impress someone, or to be accepted.

I bet you don’t even realize how often you lie to yourself.  We all do it.   Pretty soon, the accumulation of these little white lies becomes your re-written truth.

Here are some examples of lies you might tell yourself and others:
* You can’t spend money on something you need to do, but you indulge in a fancy restaurant or vacation.
* You may tell yourself that you don’t know what prevents you from changing your life, but you really know that you feel too scared to face what you need to, in order for your life to change.
*You may tell yourself that if you “wish hard enough“, what you want will just happen, eliminating your role in creating your life.
* You might be someone who is intentionally vague or selective about details you share with others, so that you can keep people distanced from you and control the level of involvement they have in your life.
* You might be someone who changes minute facts in a conversation with others to suit your position or heighten a verbalized experience.
* To save face, you might embellish your victimization or exonerate yourself, by deflecting blame onto someone else entirely.

Regardless of what lies you tell yourself and others, it’s part of being human and it’s what we do to protect and soothe ourselves, when our ego appears.

Do you know what you lie about and why?  When you really reflect on this behavior, does it enrich your life or create more internal cobwebs for you?

Fear always underscores lying; fear of being rejected or disappointing someone; fear of losing control, of having to take responsibility or fear of being alone; fear of getting caught or  fear of getting in trouble.  You might have additional reasons why you embellish, exclude or convince yourself to believe something. Regardless of why you lie, it’s important that you acknowledge this part of yourself.

In the next four posts, I will unveil the remaining Top Lies  people tell themselves.  So, stayed tuned.  To wet your palette, here is Lie Number One:

I have no control over what happens in my life.
Do these statements sound familiar?
            “Life happens to me or at me, not because of me.” 
          “I have no power to change what I don’t like about my life.”
If  they do resonate with you, let me tell you- you couldn’t be farther from the truth.

In fact, the law of attraction says that what we feel most about, creates the thoughts that we think most about, therefore, manifesting on that which we feelingly focus.  So, if you keep telling yourself : ” I am powerless  to change my life”, guess what?; you are.

When you finally realize that if you change your feelings about something, resulting in changes in thoughts,  you change what you experience.  You are 100% in control of your life, even if bad things happen to you.

Options are always available to you about what you can choose to do with what you experience; you can identify what is going on in your life that summoned in this life experience and learn its symbolism, or you can let the feelings of inadequacy, doubt and fear fester inside, resulting in a self that feels shame.

Those of you who fear change,either because you are uncertain about what might or might not happen or because you don’t know what first step to take, tend to believe that the helplessness you feel has more power over your ability to change your life.

To be fearful, at times, is human.  To live in fear and avoid taking risks, can cause a great deal of suffering. And, to suffer, means that you feel powerless over the pain you are experiencing.

Remedy: When you feel scared, worried, angry or hurt, make a plan to bring something positive into your life; Take some positive action, ANY positive action.  Even if it is one small decision you make that is in your best interest, do it.  It could be that you decide to resist that piece of chocolate cake you crave; or you write down and reflect on where you have made choices in your life that have been successful; or even call a friend up or family member and ask them to recall a time where you make a good choice in your life. I bet you can think of hundreds of additional ways that you can begin to gain momentum.

Whatever you do, just make sure that it is something positive and feels rewarding and please do not take any action that is at the expense of or in exploitation of others.   Remember to have faith in yourself and to have a good -will intention towards yourself and others as you re-shape your life. You will find tremendous power in “doing” and that first step can lead to great things!

It’s easy to tell omit minor details, to embellish a story for your own gain or to convince yourself that you are limited in how you can live your life by allowing fear have power over you.  Let me clearly tell you that you have the choice to live honestly and fully or to dodge and bolt when you must face real life.  It’s up to you..

In love and light,

Janis

www.cohenfamilycounseling.com

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