Lie Number 4

Really?  That’s all you have to say?  Lie number four focuses on the “easy out” you give yourself when you are asked to explain why something has happened. Even when people are voluntarily in a therapeutic setting, this is the first thing that flies out of their mouth when inquiry occurs about an obstacle.   This lie is regurgitated so often and by so many, that saying it somehow becomes acceptable.  Kids do it all the time when they don’t want to get in trouble after they have gotten caught for doing something they shouldn’t have.   But this lie, as adults use it, isn’t about getting caught; it’s about what you are willing to do to uncover what lies beneath and defines how willing you are to be honest with yourselfCheck out lie number four.

                          Because I tell myself “I don’t know”, I really don’t know.

How many times have you felt stumped about a “why” in your life?  We all fall back on this answer at different times in our lives.  The beauty about all human beings, (who are of sound mind), is that we have all of the answers within us. ” I don’t know” is  what we say to ourselves when we are either disinterested in unearthing the truth or when we aren’t ready to own what we inherently know about ourselves.

Most often, uncovering the answers to what challenges us is about divine timing and personal openness to receiving (and your readiness to be courageously honest.)  Everyone of you has the capacity to discover the answer to the “why” in your life.

Perhaps you need someone to ask the right questions of you?  Perhaps you are someone who needs to give yourself permission to trust yourself enough to listen to your inner voice, practice being quiet and allow the answers to come to you in stillness?  Regardless of your preferred method of enlightenment,  take stock of your inner knowledge and accept that you have what it takes to understand why things happen to you, if you give yourself the chance.

Remedy:  Give yourself a gift….. an imaginary “delete button” (in the color of your choice, of course) for your thoughts.  When “I don’t know” flies out of your mouth imagine pressing the delete button and see the excuse vanish.  Then, take pause, identify the main source of discomfort, sadness, anger, or pain and clarify what exactly stung you. (Hint: it isn’t what you think it is…. that thing that someone said.  It’s what you feel about what has happened that  you must address.)

When you are willing to acknowledge that your pain, traumas, and heartaches have in fact, equipped you with wisdom essentail for your growth, you naturally forgive and even bless those who came into your life to teach you these difficult lessons.

Understand that even if someone has offended or hurt you in some way, your issue isn’t with them. They are just the messenger of the unlearned lesson.  If you are incredibly brave, you will find that your are disgruntled with yourself for how you handled the situation and also with what filled your “emotional to- go bag“, as you exited.  (Hint: Look in your bag and see what you filled it up with….. frustration at yourself for one of these reasons: not asserting yourself because you were too scared or felt ill equipped to sparr with that person, not protecting yourself when that person did or said something that caused you pain, relinquishing your personal power by being silent, or feeling ambarrassed, foolish, or helpless for someone treating you that way in the first place.)

Take time to really chew on this and try on the remedy.  Practice chopping away at the brush that hides the central feeling, so that you are left with a clear path for problem-solving.   If you are having a hard time, consult a trusted friend or family member to help you sift through your thoughts with you.  Talking out loud can be incredibly enlightening.

In love and light,

Janis

www.cohenfamilycounseling.com

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