No Regrets.

Everyone has regrets about something in their lives.

Some regrets are bigger than others.

When you think about what you regret, you automatically remember what you wish you had done differently.

But…….that isn’t the only implication of regret.

Regret also signals you to live differently right now. Continue reading

Advertisements

Mama’s Boys and Their Mamas

He is 45 year old man who moved back home with his parents five years ago because his attempts to financially support himself failed, once again.  He is incredibly handsome, is kind, generous, and good-hearted. He even earned his doctorate but just can’t seem to get a business off the ground.

He is unable to disconnect from his mother and she is unable to disconnect from him.

His mother’s way of loving him was by making him totally self-reliant on her, even though she encourages him to act independently.  Her efforts are underscored with emotional messages that tell him not to go too far away from her.

His parents have been married for over 50 years.  His mother is a strong personality and his father, passive.

She pays his bills, issues checks to him, looks at his credit card statements, makes decisions for him, and offers unsolicited advice to him.

He met a wonderful woman several years ago, fell in love and became engaged. All too soon his fiance’ realized that not only did he lack the drive to be a provider but also, that his mother was heavily involved with him on a daily basis.  She also realized that he was doing nothing to change that dynamic.

She broke off the engagement and,to this day, despite her numerous explanations,  he does not understand why.

He had some learning challenges as a young boy and stutters at times.

He finds himself struggling internally with his desire to grow and be his own man, but doesn’t realize that he has not been able to get out from under the neurotic needs of his mother; needs that have become his own.

Unfortunately, he will not allow himself to see the dysfunction in his relationship with his mother.  He has been immobilized by his mother’s need to be needed.  Continue reading

Table of Contents

Everyone has a story; a story that matters.

Only a handful of people in your life know your story.  And, even  a smaller number of people than that, know the details that have truly defined you.

For some of you, the most tenuous and tumultuous details of your story are sacredly held by you and God, because they are too painful to share, or so you think.

I call these details of your story, your table of contents. Continue reading

Are You Skipping Yet?

Did you forget how to skip?  Most adults do.  For some reason, you grew up and forgot how to skip.  Why?

Every child knows how to skip.  It’s automatic.  It’s totally liberating and fun.

Kids inherently know how to skip because they are born into “now.”

Outside of extreme circumstances where you didn’t have the luxury of being a kid, most of you know what I am talking about when I refer to a child being in the “now.”

There is an  innocence in being a child.

We all had it.

We still do.

We just forgot how to “be” it.

Regardless of what happens in life, re-connecting with your child state matters.

You can be silly.  You can giggle.  You can imagine.

Anything.

You can be anything.  And you can dress up too!

Or, you can put a cape on and save the world, like your superheros on T.V.

As adults, we don’t give ourselves permission to be in our child state very often.

Others will judge you.

Others will disapprove.

And, still, others will not get it at all, because they are so far removed from being in the “now.”

My nieces and nephews laugh at me because I get silly a lot.

I can’t help it.  I need to do that.

I need to laugh and regress.

Sometimes, they get embarrassed if I sing too loud in a public place, or break out dancing.  (They will actually walk away from me until I have stopped! So, I stop on purpose, only to begin again when they return! HA!)

While I feel just as comfortable being in my adult state as I do my child state, I conducted a “secret mission”, so to speak, with some of my friends.

We were walking together and I asked them to break out of their walk and to skip with me.

They looked at me like I was crazy.

Some of them looked around to see who might witness the silly behavior.

I asked again, “C’mon, y’all!  Let’s just skip down the sidewalk for a little bit!”

They caved.

And we skipped.

It was exhilarating and we all giggled like little girls who just did something sneaky.

We were a bit out of breath, but everyone was beaming.

We connected with that sweet spot of ourselves that didn’t care about anything.

We just became kids again.

No worries in that moment.

Just fun.

Take some time to do something that epitomizes your child state and that brings you joy and silliness.

The world can be a serious place.  Too serious, at times.

It is important to be silly and to give yourself the white flag to regress and have fun.

So, are you skipping yet?

In love and light,
Janis
www.cohenfamilycounseling.com

Didn’t Expect That Didja?

Furiously she was shaking her hands and screaming at me through her windshield.  I looked back in my rear view mirror and saw the rage.  Amazing!

She was ready to get out of her car and give me a piece of her mind.  She was honking, shaking her head and telling her passenger how ridiculous I was for waiting for this parking space, when she was on the clock.  So, guess what I did? Continue reading