If you’re single on Valentine’s day, you probably think, to some degree, that it sucks!
What, with all of the cards, pink and red hearts, commercials about love equaling a jewelry purchase, and fancy chocolates, it makes sense.
It’s the dreaded day that you just want to go away!
Well, what if I were to tell you that NOT having someone to celebrate Valentine’s Day with doesn’t have to feel so insanely painful.
In fact, it can be downright AWESOME!!!!
Wouldn’t you want to know why?
I hear this all the time from my single clients: “I can’t wait for Valentine’s Day to be over. It’s so hard to see other people in relationships when I’m not and I REALLY want one. It’s like, if you don’t have someone to celebrate Valentine’s Day with then you aren’t a valid human being!”
So, what’s AWESOME about being single on Valentine’s Day?
Every time I ask this question to clients and friends, they ALWAYS make this face: they crunch up their forehead, furrough their brows, and their head tilts to the right, just like a dog who hears a high-pitched noise.
At this point, I am elated!
They are now confused….and, I get to do what I do best; help people change their limiting beliefs about themselves into empowering beliefs, so they can change their lives at lightning speed!
“Ok, I’ll bite. What’s so awesome about being single on Valentine’s Day?” they say.
Well, Valentine’s Day is fairly illusory; insofar as it is a holiday that is built on the precept that if you are in a relationship and you have someone to celebrate Valentine’s Day with, then you must be happy; implying that love is only for couples.
Given that love is here for everyone, and Valentine’s Day is just one day in the entire calendar year, here are some things to think about when you find yourself down in the dumps about the VERY commercialized holiday of love.
1. I have a choice about how I experience Valentine’s Day and every day.
Let me let you in on a little secret. Everyone judges everyone.
We all have opinions and perspectives and that is what makes this world, in which we live, a unique and vibrant place.
The challenge that you have is to be mindful of what you project onto the people in your life.
Is defining yourself by your relationship status really the only way that you have an identity?
Do you REALLY KNOW if they disapprove of you being single or is that YOUR criticism of yourself?
I can’t tell you how many men and women I work with and meet who tell me that they WISH they were single again because they aren’t in happy relationships! (I’m serious!)
Trust me, the grass in NOT always greener on the other side of the romantic fence.
Ease up on your own self-loathing and notice the freedoms and liberties that you automatically have when you are single.
- You don’t have to answer to anyone about anything.
- You can come and go as you please.
- You can have a different dating partner every night of the week, if you choose.
- You don’t have to make any compromises with anyone about meals, what side of the bed you want to sleep on or what you are having for dinner.
- You do anything you want, anytime, anywhere, with anyone you want.
AND…. being single is WAY better than being in an unhappy relationship!
2. You really can get out of your own way.
When people tell me that they are depressed and can’t get out of the slump of sadness and lonliness, I ask them, “what have you done to help someone in need?”
They typically say, “Well, nothing.”
Then I give them homework: go help someone who is worse off then you then come back and tell me how bad you feel about your life.
Go feed the residents in a homeless shelter. Go bake a cake and give it to a neighbor or friend who has no family and who is suffering real loss. Bring some clothes to a shelter for those who don’t have anything extra to wear.
Just DO something that gets you out of your own way (and out of your head) and into service.
THIS is the fastest way to change your mood and ground you into reality.
So, you don’t have a date or relationship for Valentine’s Day.
Guess what, some people don’t know where their next meal is coming from or where they are going to live and they have children in tow.
Pain is relative.
Your job is to transmute it into something useful and worthwhile.
3. Make Plans with people who love and care for you.
Plan an ‘anti-valentine’s day’ party and go celebrate your singlehood!
Go to dinner and a movie, play some games and do something fun!
Go sing karaoke and make a fool out of yourself (or get applause if you can actually sing!)
Be around people who allow you to feel that you belong to them.
Do what makes you feel the opposite of the feelings you don’t want to have.
4. Be that which you seek.
This ‘holiday’ forces single people to take inventory of their relationship status.
This blog post asks you to take inventory of “why” you have chosen to be single.
YES, I do mean what I just said.
You have chosen to be single but you are feeling badly about it.
Is that confusing to you?
Think about what is in the way of you having your dream of a wonderful and fulfilling love.
Is it that you “say” you want a relationship but don’t trust others?
Do you tell yourself that there is something wrong with you and that is why you are single?
Do you believe that you will never find Mr. or Mrs. Right and so you have just given up?
It’s time to take a compassionate and loving look at the pain you feel in your romantic life.
There are ALWAYS immediate steps that you can take to change your destiny.
Ask yourself: what it would take for me to have my ideal mate?
Do you need to get clear about what kind of mate you want and how you want to feel in the relationship?
Well then, write it down and send it into the universe for its commiseration.
Get clear about what you value in the person you seek and then BE THAT so that you draw yourself to him/her.
Remember, like-minded people find each other.
Whatever the reason is that you have been stung by the Valentine’s Day arrow, rethink the meaning that you assign to this day, and every day thereafter.
Don’t let a “couple- driven culture” define your choice to be single as something wrong.
You can make every day of your life Valentine’s Day by giving yourself the love that you so dearly crave.
That’s a good starting place, don’t you think?
And, THAT is why being single is AWESOME on Valentine ’s Day or ANY day!