Comparing ourselves to others is natural. We can’t help it.
We notice how other people look, what they drive, how much money they have, their social status, academic accomplishments, and degree of public notoriety (among many other things) and compare ourselves to them; noticing what we have or lack.
We, then, come to one of these assumptions:
1. I am, have, do enough and therefore I am happy.
2. I am mediocre, need to do more, and therefore I feel ok about me/my life.
3. I am not enough and therefore I am unhappy.
This week, one of my clients felt challenged with her belief that she “needs to give more.”
I asked her what she meant and she said that “other people seem to give more than I do. They make meals, visit people, and help others in big ways. I don’t do that.”
“Well, then, how DO you give?”, I said.
” I listen with patience. I am sincere, I don’t bullshit, and I care.”
“WOW! That sounds like quite a powerful way of giving.”, I said.
She smiled as if she was shocked to hear this.
“How is that any different or less valuable than someone who makes cookies or lasagna or holds a coat drive or sends a get well card?, I asked.
“Hmmm. I guess it really isn’t.”, She responded.
I went on to explain my own past struggle with my limiting beliefs around how I give to others.
I told her that I know several people who give to others through food, donations, service, visits, crafts, etc and I used to hold the same belief that, because I didn’t do what they did, then I was “bad” and “not as good of a giver as they are.”
At some point, the light bulb went on in my head.
I said to myself, “Janis, you give in your own way; the way the feels authentic, real, and true to who YOU are. That doesn’t make “your kind of giving” any less valuable than someone who gives in a different way. We each have our own way of giving that suits us and if it feels good, then it is good.”
Quickly, we disproved her limiting belief and replaced it with a belief that was based in reality.
The new belief that she took on is “I give in my own way and that is good enough.”
The secret to living a good life is giving.
If you really feel that you need to do more in some aspect of your life, take a moment and ask yourself these questions:
- Do I really need to do more of X?
- In what ways do I already do X?
- If so, why do I need to do more of X? (what do I feel about the fact that I need to do more of X?, what do I believe about myself when I hold the belief of “I really need to do more of X?)
- Who would I be without that thought/belief?
- If I really feel that doing more of X will allow me to feel genuinely good, then what next steps can I take to feed that need?
- If I do these things that allow me to do more of X, do I really feel better?
- If so, then take action.
Giving is unique to you. How you give, if it is genuine and without the need for acknowledgement or payback, will always be enough.
Give yourself credit for what you already do for yourself and others.
Can we all do more to give love and kindness to others?
Start with yourself first. Give yourself the credit for how you give to others that you can all ‘your own.”
That’s feels nice, doesn’t it?
Now, just keep doing that.
It’s all good!
In love and light,