Betrayed? 7 Things You Need to Know to Heal

janis cohen betrayal

“Betrayal is the only truth that sticks.”
~ Arthur Miller

You are in a relationship or are dating someone and feel confident (or mostly confident) that all is well.

Sure, you encounter challenges, but every relationship has them, right?

One day, you find something out that you can’t ‘un-know’.

You feel like you have just been sucker punched in the gut and your body shakes in confirmation.  You’ve been betrayed.

Your world has shifted in an unexpected direction.

What do you do now?

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When Someone Shows You Who They Are the First Time, Believe Them: How Paying Attention to the Red Flags in Any Relationship Will Keep You Safe

You know you have done this; noticed something about someone, when you initially meet them, that causes you to furrow your brow and feel uneasy but then brushed it aside.  We have all done that, at one time or another.

Whether it’s a new friend or in a new dating relationship, the red flags are always there from the beginning.  The challenge you face is whether or not you are going to honor yourself enough to acknowledge what you already know or whether you will choose to ignore the warning signs and put yourself in harms’ way. Continue reading

The Payoff of Forgiveness:Filling Up Your Emotional Bank Account

Everything in our lives- every thought we have, every action we take-requires some energy.  How much energy are you putting into holding onto the pain, anger and shame in your life?

Consider energy as a financial allowance equal to one hundred dollars a day.  Your task is to learn how to invest this money wisely, because your investments will either earn you interest or put you in debt. Continue reading

Why Talking to Your Children About the Small Things Makes it Easier to Talk About the Big Things

If you are like most parents, you do your best to be involved in your children’s lives by asking about their day, who they played with at recess, with whom they ate lunch and what their homework is for the night.  You attend their school events, taxi them around to various play dates and parties and do what you can to keep an eye on their emotional and psychological well-being.  Sometimes life gets in the way and you miss an opportunity to dig deeper.  And, as kids age into adolescence, the window for involvement quickly shrinks, and before you know it, the only response you get from your tween or teen is a shrug or an “uh-huh.” Continue reading

Lie Number 4

Really?  That’s all you have to say?  Lie number four focuses on the “easy out” you give yourself when you are asked to explain why something has happened. Even when people are voluntarily in a therapeutic setting, this is the first thing that flies out of their mouth when inquiry occurs about an obstacle.   This lie is regurgitated so often and by so many, that saying it somehow becomes acceptable.  Kids do it all the time when they don’t want to get in trouble after they have gotten caught for doing something they shouldn’t have.   But this lie, as adults use it, isn’t about getting caught; it’s about what you are willing to do to uncover what lies beneath and defines how willing you are to be honest with yourselfCheck out lie number four. Continue reading

Lie Number 3

 

Today’s lie is brought to you by the number 3.  THIS lie focuses on how you define your worth and value.  We all, at one ,or many points in our lives, define ourselves by things and others.  How often have you said this to yourself?

Completeness comes from external experiences and validation from others.

If my boss praises me, then I am valuable. ” ” If someone loves me, then I am significant.” ” If I get this job, then I am qualified.”  You might believe that one or all of these things can fill you up internally, but they really don’t.  The satisfaction you get from them won’t be permanent, if you aren’t able to feel valuable, significant, and loved on your own. Continue reading