Leave Proof You Existed

Janis Cohen leave a legacy

“Everything is Everything.”
~The Tao of Wu

“I want to be remembered for something, anything.  I just want to be remembered.”, she said.

“What do you want to be remembered for?”, I asked.

“At least that I was here.  That I existed.  That I mattered.  That I made a difference. That I was worth something.” she said with melancholy.

“What would that look like?”, I asked. Continue reading

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My Giving is Just as Good as Your Giving.

gift in hand

Comparing ourselves to others is natural.  We can’t help it.

We notice how other people look, what they drive, how much money they have, their social status, academic accomplishments, and degree of public notoriety (among many other things) and compare ourselves to them; noticing what we have or lack.

We, then, come to one of these assumptions:
1. I am, have, do enough and therefore I am happy.
2. I am mediocre, need to do more, and therefore I feel ok about me/my life.
3. I am not enough and therefore I am unhappy. Continue reading

Didn’t Expect That Didja?

Furiously she was shaking her hands and screaming at me through her windshield.  I looked back in my rear view mirror and saw the rage.  Amazing!

She was ready to get out of her car and give me a piece of her mind.  She was honking, shaking her head and telling her passenger how ridiculous I was for waiting for this parking space, when she was on the clock.  So, guess what I did? Continue reading

Lay Down Your Sword and Shield: How Practicing Kindess, Compassion, and Patience Can Change the Course of Your Life

“It is all too easy to lose our patience with people and act unkindly.  A wise person knows that showing kindness and compassion is the most effective way to bring out the best in others. ” Dharmachari Nagaraja

What would your life look like if practiced patience, kindness and compassion instead of negatively reacting to people who wronged you? Could you see yourself being more relaxed?  Would you notice how the person, on the other side of the interaction, immediately stopped being antagonistic once they observed you choosing to respond in peace?  Is it possible that by being more focused on creating easiness in your daily living, through the practice of the “trilogy” of kindess, compassion and patience, that you could change someone else’s life in an instant?

It takes a milli-second to get caught up in the “offensiveness” of someone and react in a prideful, self-righteous way.  And,  it takes a little moment longer to pause, breathe, and remind yourself  that the gift you can give yourself and someone else is not only to notice that it is YOU that is being challenged through your intolerance  but also, that displaying kindness, compassion, and patience in the face of YOUR struggle is the lesson to be learned.

There is a great deal of misery in chaos in our world.  Just look around, watch the news, read the papers and view what is on the internet.  If you allow yourself, you can align your attitude with the negative energies of the world, believing that there is very little that is good in humanity.

I don’t blame you for leaning into that a bit.  The behavior in different parts of the world and in our own country give us proof that it is “every man for himself.”  When you choose to live from this place of saving yourself first, you rule out any opportunity to contribute to the world in a capacity that is beyond you.

I don’t believe that we are placed on this earth to suffer or to become jaded by pain.  I believe that we are in “earth school” to reconnect with our origin self; the self that is connected to the highest good- our godliness; and in this godliness is goodness.

Just this morning I was waiting in line to purchase something.  I was in a bit of a rush and the clerk was an older woman who was moving slower than I had hoped.  I found myself becoming irritated and wishing that she would finish up faster so that I could get on my way.  And then, I thought of this blog post and I stopped in my tracks.

The very thing that I am sharing with you, is what I was being tested on in that line today.  The moment I connected the two, I immediately felt relieved that I didn’t have to be uptight anymore and that this sweet woman, behind the counter, was doing her best.  I took a breath and smiled at her and went on my way.

The practice of kindness, compassion, and patience can be tested anywhere.   In an instant you can be transformed from a taker to a giver.  In an instant, you can spare someone the punishment of your inability to manage your frustration by taking a moment to pause and recognize the challenge before you;  in the face of an offense, an injustice, or an inconvenience, do you give into your immediate reaction of intolerance or do you choose to pause and step into your higher self, and practice kindess, compassion and patience? 

As children, unless we are old souls who already have this concept ingrained in our spirits, we don’t learn how to offer patience to others when they offend us or treat us unfairly.  The lesson of kindness is often learned after the fact, from a discussion with our parents about how we could have acted differently by taking into account the other person’s perspective.

If you are a parent, how do you teach this to your children?  How do you show them that it feels better  to practice this trilogy of kindness, compassion and patience?   I can promise you that if you cultivate this habit of “being in the trilogy”, then your children will find it much easier to internalize.

Our knee-jerk reactions can serve us in the moment, but don’t always have a sustainable payoff of peace of mind.

Next time you become irritated, offended, and annoyed by someone, take a few seconds to remind yourself that in this moment of your intolerance that you are being tested and that you have the choice to serve only yourself or to serve both yourself and someone else by  responding in kindness.

In love and light,

Janis
www.cohenfamilycounseling.com

I found you…

~~Love After Love~~

The time will come when,

with elation you will greet yourself arriving

at your own door, in your own mirror

and each will smile at the other’s welcome,

and say, Sit here. Eat.

You will love again the stranger who was yourself.

Give wine.  Give Bread.  Give back your heart to itself,

to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored for another,

who knows you by heart.

Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,

peel your own image from the mirror.

Sit.  Feast on your life.

 

Derek Walcott~Author

In love and light,

Janis

www.cohenfamilycounseling.com