Your Agreement and The Sacrifice

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She needed her car.

She had to get around town.

Her tire was blown and the rim was shot.

She has no family. A few friends. No partner.  No kids.  And, very little money.

She really needed her car.

Somehow, she found a way; she finally maxed out her credit card.

She fixed it all.  She had her car back.

But she was still broke financially and in emotional pain. Continue reading

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“Ok, now what?” How a 16 year old girl changed her life in minutes.

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Like a deer in headlights.  That’s what she looked like.

Eyes open wide and completely unsure of what to expect.

She had never done this before and it showed.

And, when asked if she had, she answered with only a head shake from side to side, eyes locked on mine.

The timer was set.

Pressing start, we began.

Continue reading

Why are you so surprised?

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“I can’t believe she did that!”  “I don’t understand, how could he do that to me?”

I hear this on a regular basis from clients and friends.  They can’t seem to understand how people in their lives do what they do and why they keep doing it.

It’s simple really.

We all have patterns of behavior.  Some of us know our patterns well and execute them proficiently on a daily basis.  Others of us ‘seem’ to be clueless about who we really are and how we behave.

As receivers of others people’s words and deeds, we tend to become comfortable with the behavioral patterns of those who are consistently in our lives.  And, we also tend to express ‘utter shock’ when someone, whom we thought we knew so well, hurts us… again.

We continue to be hurt by others whom we know because we don’t pay attention to what we already know.

Each of you can name at least 5 common/standard behaviors that those familiar people in your lives display.

Are they reactive, selfish, concrete thinkers?  Controlling, anxious and rigid?  Do they talk about others critically, gossip and pass negative judgments about others? (btw- everyone judges everyone else. It’s just whether we choose to say positive or negative things.)  Do they actively avoid dealing with discomfort directly and as a result, behave passively-aggressive?

Just think about this for a minute.  You know the people who are in your circles; family, friends, colleagues.  You KNOW how they are (even with just ONE interaction with them) and yet you choose to act like you have NO FREAKING CLUE!!

Stop being surprised and start paying attention to ‘WHAT YOU ALREADY KNOW.”

As I say, “you know what you know.”  It’s all there; RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU.

You can either pay attention to what you inherently know or not. It’s your choice.

Yes, I DID say that!

It is a CHOICE.

You can adjust your expectations of these people, based on what you already know ,or you can continue to act surprised.

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU KNOW.

The next time someone in your friend, colleague or family circle ‘hurts’ you, take a look at what you already know about them.

Chances are (close to 99.99%) that they have had this SAME behavior with you and others.  It just looks a little different because it’s in a different situation.

Now comes the work.

Now, you must  make a conscious choice to relate to this person differently, based on what you know (i.e. become more conservative in your disclosures to them or don’t rely on them to have your best interests at heart or accept them in the exact way that they act towards you) or you can pretend that you  are experiencing them ‘for the first time.’

I encourage you to stop expecting others to be anything but what they show themselves to be, unless they start to show themselves differently.

(You might want to repeat that daily.  Post it everywhere in your house if you are one of those people who are constantly surprised by the behavior of others.)  “)

Go ahead.  Make that list of what you already know about the people in your life.  See what you come up with.

Then, apply that to whatever pain or distress you are in.  Doesn’t it fit?  Doesn’t it make sense? Is it the same pattern with a different presentation?

I thought so.

Now, doesn’t that feel better?

Excellent.

Using What God Gave You

What you are is God’s gift to you; what you do with yourself is your gift to God.” (Danish Proverb)

Powerful, huh?  Your greatest gift to yourself is you.

How you live your life, is the gift you give back to Spirit.

While we have all been created in the image of God, each of us is unique; harboring unseen and specific talents unlike any other.

How do you find out what gifts you have to give back to others and to Spirit?

In other words, “What is your life purpose and how do you serve and contribute to the world?” Continue reading

Why Blaming Others Keeps You Stuck

Blame is one of the surest ways to stay in a problem.  In blaming another, you give away your power.

When you solely focus on what someone else has done, you rob yourself of precious time that can be experienced in freedom from pain, anger, and betrayal.

You can not change the past.  The past is done.  You can let it go now. Continue reading

Courage:You’ll never leave home without it.

He’s furry, where’s a beautiful cape, and sings about what he would do if he were king of the forest.  Yes, I am talking about the Lion in the Wizard of Oz.

Everyone knows this story.  There is a Lion, a Scarecrow, and a Tin Man who all have a common denominator: Dorothy.

The story is really about how Dorothy must integrate all of these aspects of herself, within herself, so that she can find her ” internal home” and begin her life in totality.  Each of these figures, the Lion, the Scarecrow, and the Tin-Man, are metaphors for different parts of Dorothy’s personal growth.

The moral of the story: All of these aspects are within you already. When you acknowledge them, only then can you integrate them into who you are and into your life. Continue reading

Revenge: Is It Really Sweet?

I know you have had several times in your life where you have wanted to take revenge on someone who caused you pain.   I certainly have.  In fact, I can identify three times in my life where I have wanted to take revenge so profoundly that I would dream about it at night and fantasize about it during the day.  The desire to take revenge inside me was very strong and it took a great deal of work, on my part, not to act on it.

The passion for revenge is powerful and can be overwhelming.  It is a primitive, destructive, and sometimes violent response to injury, anger, or humiliation.

It is a misguided attempt to transform shame into pride, to become a victor instead of victim, to punish the perpetrator equally, if not more than you were pained, and to transform your sense of powerlessness into power. Continue reading

Dare to Risk: The Payoffs Are Awesome!

Risk is worth taking.  It doesn’t matter what risk you take, the fact that you step out of your comfort zone and take the leap amps up your self-confidence immeasurably.

Risk taking is the key to breaking out of your stuck thinking and behavior.  It challenges your concept of reality. Continue reading

Your Tipping Point: It’s Time To Make a Change

It is inevitable that you will be urgently pushed into making key decisions that will completely change your life.  Three factors; circumstance,  personal history, and your emotional tipping point lead you to your fork in the road.  None of us can escape these crucial moments of decision-making; where we must choose to live life differently or extend our suffering.

Tipping points aren’t predictable but they most definately are recognizable.  Tipping points test your will power regarding how long you will remain in a particular “state of mind” as well as your dedication to the quality of life in which you are living.

A tipping point is when you experience something so profound  that it changes not only who you are, but who you need to be to get out of the negative state in which you live. Continue reading

Never Be Afraid of The Truth Because It Will Never Hurt You.

Truth is your best friend.  It is said that “the truth hurts,” but the only thing the truth hurts is illusions.  The truth is the dispeller of deception; bring any situation into the light, and you can rest assured that there is good within it.

Once you align yourself with this idea, you will never again be afraid to hear truth, see truth, know truth or live in truth. In fact, when you are in alignment with truth, you are at peace, regardless of what surfaces; for truth sets you free. Continue reading